


Villain

by mintleaftea



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU: 3x11 never happened, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 20:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2322824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintleaftea/pseuds/mintleaftea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Where Henry and Peter switch back right before Peter crushes Felix's heart</p><p>Because, Felix thought in the messy haze of emotions that was tearing at his chest, despite all the evidence to the contrary, he had never seen Pan as a villain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Villain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sporklift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporklift/gifts).



"Felix," Emma had said, her voice wavering only slightly as she stared at him, "He ripped out your heart. He was going to kill you."

"I know," Felix had replied, although he couldn't meet the Savior's eyes, because looking at her would mean admitting to her, to himself, that he was wrong about Peter Pan, and that's not something he was ready to do yet. "I know." He said again, twisting his face into an angry scowl despite the bubbling anxiety in his chest, "Now leave me alone."

"Felix..." She tried again, but was stopped by Henry tugging on her jacket and shaking his head. Henry, at least, seemed to understand. Sighing, Emma frowned at her son before returning her piercing gaze to Felix, who was still adamantly avoiding eye contact. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't-"

"Do what? I'm locked in a jail cell with no weapons and an entire town watching my back. What could I possibly do?" Felix kept his voice dry as he glared a hole through the wall.

"Right." She said warily, "Let's go, Henry." Emma turned on her heel and walked out of the room, closing the door and locking it but not before he caught Henry mouthing "I'm sorry". 

Felix almost laughed. Henry felt sorry for him; everyone else hated him at worst, distrusted him at best, but the truest believer felt sorry for him. 

He had never felt lower and more pathetic than he did right now. Which, Felix noted with the last ounce of cynicism he could muster, was an accomplishment, considering. 

He was locked in a jail cell, alone, in the dark, in this pathetic town in the land without magic. No weapons, no friends, and, above everything else, the thought that refused to be pushed out or ignored, no Pan.  
For centuries, even when Felix had had nothing, there had been Peter Pan. Peter Pan to rescue him or tease him or heal him or pull him out of whatever dark place Felix had found himself in. It was something Felix had been proud of, being Peter's favorite lost boy. The others could be hurt or captured or even die, and Peter wouldn't blink, but with Felix...

With Felix it had been different. Felix was Peter's and Peter would spare nothing to make sure everyone had known that. And for most of his life, Felix had felt a warm sense of security and strength in being...in being owned. 

That's what it was, wasn't it? Of course it was, Peter Pan was a child and a child needed toys, and Felix just happened to be his favorite. Felix knew that, had always known that, had never held any sort of illusion otherwise. And yet...

And yet the memory of Pan standing over him with his heart clutched in his hand made Felix want to vomit. It stung, like betrayal stung, and he couldn't rationalize why. 

Because, Felix thought in the messy haze of emotions that was tearing at his chest, despite all the evidence to the contrary, he had never seen Pan as a villain. 

Felix knew villains, thought he knew villains, and Pan wasn't. Peter had saved him, had protected him and trusted him and made him needed and gave him a home. Villains didn't get happy endings, right? But Neverland was Felix's happy ending, at least that's what he thought. A place to have a family, to be worth something.  
To be wanted. 

Peter wanted me.  
Felix shook as he was overtaken by memories of a life he had long forgotten. Cold hallways and faceless people muttering behind his back shifted into the sounds of crying children and the sharp sting of a strong hand striking his face, white hot pain and the taste of dirt peppered with the coppery tang of blood. His mind spun and he felt sick as he shook his head desperately, to break out of the painful flashback.  
Peter had saved him then, had pulled Felix out of the dirt and offered him paradise. Or maybe not. Maybe that memory was a lie, too, just like how everything else had turned out to be. 

Felix didn't trust anyone, but he had trusted Pan, and that trust had led him to where his was now.

Low, pathetic, and completely alone. 

His chest tightened with an anxiety that was so painfully familiar it made him sick. His head reeled as he came to the terrifying epiphany that he had been avoiding for days now. Pan had used him. He had lied to him and manipulated him and had thrown him away with a condescending smirk and the words be flattered. Peter had used him and betrayed him. Just like everyone else. He was a fool to fall for Peter’s tricks, never should have fallen into the easy, blind trust that he had given him.

But he had, he had blindly followed Peter without any seconds thought, his loyalty earning him praise and commendation and, Felix realized, those things had just pulled him deeper and deeper. 

Because Peter wasn’t a god with blind morals and good intentions, a being in his own world whose goals could not be likened to the ethics of mere mortals. Peter Pan was a villain.  
Which made Felix a villain, too, didn’t it? Because he had been Pan’s lieutenant, his slave, so that meant that he had to be held accountable to everything, too.

Pan was dead, that was what they told him. Peter - Malcom, Felix corrected himself, the name feeling wrong and sour on his tongue- had died with his son.  
Which left Felix. And he needed to be punished. He deserved to be punished for his blindness and stupidity and the foolish mistake of trusting and believing in someone. Of course he did, he had always known that. It was just the cold sting of Peter’s betrayal that made him remember it. 

He shuddered again, trying to calm the hot emotion rising in his throat, trying to rid the feeling of hurt and sadness that threatened to overtake him. He would face his retribution without hiding, wouldn’t be a coward, he wouldn’t run (Like Peter tried to, he thought vindictively) anymore. 

He felt his heart race, pounding in his chest as he forced his anxiety and sadness into anger, hot and blissfully easy. Peter had ripped his heart out of his chest, the thing he loves the most. It was only a bitter afterthought, the last drip of disconsolance in a haze of unfamiliar and unwelcome emotion that Felix knew that if Peter had asked, had asked for his heart instead of taking it, that Felix would have given it to him. Because in the desperate, tumultuous, grief-stricken mess that was Felix, he realized that Peter had had his heart all along. 

He felt his body convulse, and unconsciously reach up to grip the feathers and beads still woven in his hair. The trinket that Peter had bestowed upon him in a rare show of affection, marking Felix as irrevocably his. Felix had worn it with pride, but in this moment, it weighed on his head like iron. 

He didn’t notice the sting on his scalp as his mercilessly ripped it out with a vicious tug, dropping it to the dirty floor and crushing it beneath his boot. 

And just like that, Felix felt himself crumble; anger and sadness and memories rushing together in a slurry that overwhelmed him completely as he crumpled into himself, his body heaving with a mixture of sobbing and silent screaming. 

And for the first time in over a hundred years, Felix felt lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a prompt fill for sporklift, who gave me an excellent excuse to shamelessly write Felix dealing with the scope of his devotion to Pan.  
> The premise is that Henry and Peter switch back to their own bodies and Henry finds himself holding Felix's heart which he promptly DOESN'T crush, and returns Felix as a prisoner. Not sure if in the AU Pan is actually dead or if that's just what they told Felix. Perhaps that's something I'll explore later? Who knows.  
> This is my first attempt at writing Felix, so I hope I did OK!


End file.
